The 12 Secret Steps for an Unhealthy Life

1. Smoke a pack a day. If you don’t smoke then get started – it’s easy.
   
2. Drink plenty of alcohol. Cheap beer is the best. Stay away from dark beer it’s actually good for you, just like red wine.
   
3. Don’t eat any fruits or vegetables. They contain anti-oxidants and fiber which slow down aging.
   
4. Sit on your couch at least 4 hours a day and watch mind numbing television shows. Eating junk food at the same time is a plus.
   
5. Take medication that you really don’t need.
   
6. Stay clear of supplements. With food as depleted in nutrients as it is you don’t want to get any of these in your body.
   
7. Stay clear of health magazines, and health related websites, they are full of scientific information that could lead you to being healthy. Something might actually sink in by osmosis so let’s not take the chance.
   
8. Be a victim. Don’t take responsibility for your own health. It’s best to find someone else to be responsible for you, maybe someone that you might see every few months for 15-20 minutes.
   
9. Take an antibiotic every time there is the slightest thing wrong with you. Especially if it’s a cold.
   
10. Roll around on the carpet in your house. It is full of toxins that are tracked in year after year (like fertilizer and pesticides). This will really do a number on you so be sure to follow up on this one.
    

Extra tip if you're a parent - Don't go to this website How to get your child to eat their vegetables.

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